Nurse Joc, Not Jackie

I woke up feeling a little sick today... boo! Of course, it happens the day after our house guest leaves and we get the house back to ourselves. If you get uncomfortable reading personal stories, don't read this entry - we went through a loss (two losses, actually) and this is the story... 

I'm still on tilt a bit with whacky hormones and mental exhaustion. Now that I've told all our loved ones and what-not, I guess I can go into more detail as to why I've been MIA. We had planned another baby and got pregnant in August. We were excited as heck and told our parents early... We also told a few other people, mostly just because I really hate lying about things ("Why aren't you drinking?" "Why can't you go in the hottub?") Anyway, we lost the pregnancy in the beginning of this month. Sucked enough as it were, but then we found out it wasn't just one baby, it was two! So amongst dealing with that, I ended up hemorrhaging and being admitted to the hospital. That isn't a normal part of a miscarriage if you were wondering! So that sucked. Ended up having to take time off work and scared the crap out of myself and my husband. 

My daughter was pretty awesome, though! While we were waiting for the ambulance while I hemorrhaged, my daughter asked me why I was crying. I told her I was scared. She said something along the lines of "Mommy, you don't have to be scared. See? I'll turn on the light and then you won't have to be scared anymore!"  Kids make almost everything more bearable. I love that girl. 

So, that's my story. Among that, we had a cancer scare, multiple CT scans and hospital trips for hubby, a wedding to plan, and random bills that I'm pretty sure the universe just kind of pulled out of its butt just to test us. October has always been a month shadowed by terrible news and terrible occurrences. 

Are you enjoying the weather? The sun has been out all day! My goodness, it's just gorgeous out there. I decided to go out with my sister and her son, our friend Shanon and her daughter, my dog, my daughter and I. We went to the park and checked out the new boardwalk that the town is in the middle of constructing along the beach. It looks like it will make an excellent run spot ;D

On a random note, I've been reading through a lot of antidepressant forums and reading up on people trying to wean themselves off of them. I see so much wrong information and well-meaning, but bad advice being handed out... I'm tempted to write a post relating to depression and antidepressants. Mostly, I want to address the "I feel better now and would like to stop taking the medication." Mentality. Unfortunately, the reason why you feel so good is because of the medication. When depression is made enough that it warrants medication, you are going on the medication for life, not until you feel better... Generally, anyway.

The withdrawals are terrible. You have to be prepared and have your doctor on your side as well as your family and support system.

Aww darn, see? I'm turning this into a post about antidepressants already!  For those of you that are curious, I am on 37.5 mg of Effexor OD for depression. I feel completely normal and completely fine/content/happy while on it despite the occasional headache. My family has a history of depression and I battled with it for 13 years before turning to medication. I only wish I turned to medication sooner. It doesn't change who you are, doesn't make you a bad person, but it does help you to start thinking like a normal, healthy person :D

I've been pretty relaxed since I finished school. I'm spending most of my days writing out resumes and cover letters and applying for jobs here and there. I actually just started applying for jobs yesterday and managed to land an interview which went quite well. I hope that I can get that job since it is with VIHA!

I'm thinking about writing up a resume tips and tricks page... One of the most common questions I've heard from newly graduated nurses is "How I do I get work/write a resume without any experience?" Well, the answer is pretty simple... Write a skills-based resume, not a chronological one. Always write a cover letter - call the place ahead of time and get the name of the person you're aplying to. "To whom it may concern" isn't a very nice way to start a cover letter -- it shows that you haven't put any time into your application and you're there for the job alone, not for the actual facility.

Anywho! I am going to be passing out my applications all day tomorrow, so wish me luck!

I am about to do my very last night shift. I am so burned out already, but it'll be worth it in the end. This is an extra shift I have picked up because of the one I missed on Thursday for my grandfather's wake. I don't mind nightshifts, really. They are pretty boring, but I at least get to see my daughter a bunch when I'm at home. On the evening shifts, she's always asleep when I'm home and it makes me miss her like crazy!

Tuesday is my only day off, then I am off to work 6 evening shifts in a row. If this doens't kill me, what will?

Tendinitis is severely underrated. It hurts a lot! I currently have it in my right rotator cuff as well as my righ elbow area. It makes it hard to lift things, or even take a sweater off. It hurts when I lay down in bed at night. Strange stuff! I just ty not to use it as much as posible and it usually resolves itself within a few weeks.

So I have been using the BeautiControl Skinlogics Clear line of skin care for 2.5 weeks now. While my skin isn't clear yet, I've had barely any nodular breakouts -- two. Usually it's one new one per day. Definitely an improvement! I have also been divulging in microderm abrasion (also from BeautiControl) once per week. I look forward to Thursdays knowing that it's a microderm abrasion night, haha

I have been trying out new products here and there. So far, my favorites are the Skinlogics skin care line, the Sugar Cookie (limited availability: just for the holidays!!) collection which includes body wash, butter, instand manicure hand scrub, lip scrub, lip conditioner, and extreme repair hand moisturizer; I also have fallen in love with most of their make-up products. I especially love their shadow control cream (in toupe) and Spectaculash mascara. Lip Apeel is of course a favorite of mine, as is the Spa Detox collection :P 

Heck, I just love everything they make. They really do make amazing products.

I really do hate ranting, but sometimes you just have to let the steam shoot out of both ears.

My preceptor is amazing. My instructors are amazing. I am not mad at them. I am frustrated with the situation that I am in, though. Since my original preceptor's schedule started four days later than usual, I missed out on quite a few potential shifts. Then it turns out that she wasn't actually available, so I only got three shifts the first week. Then my next preceptor, whom we snagged the evening before the very first day I started with her is on 8 hour shifts. I need about 180 hours to finish my credentials for licensing.

I forgot to get mad about how I have to rearrange my daycare completely for this as well... Anyway...

That said, I have four days off in the next three weeks because the schedule is so crammed, which I wouldn't have minded, but! This means that I have ZERO room for not making it to preceptorship. So why is this an issue? Two things:

My daughter is three. This is the first Halloween that she has ever been excited about it and it absolutely kills me that I am working Halloween evening. I have to miss what I consider to be a pretty important parenting moment. Sure, there will be other years, but this is the first year that she's actually excited about it. One of few years where she will be at home and not out with friends for it. Not to mention, I had been planning to do her costume/make-up for her. Now I can't. Kills me a little each time I think about it.

October 15th, 2009. My grandpa died. I was in the middle of a shift and had to leave for home after finding out this news. I already have to make up for that time I took off that day. His memorial service is to be held on Thursday -- in the middle of another shift. I am absolutely torn between not knowing if I can even afford the time off from SCHOOL. It's SCHOOL for cripe's sake! Or going to the memorial service. How on earth is school in a position to put me in any situation as remotely ridiculous as this?

Family funeral/death in the family versus not making enough preceptorship hours to obtain licensure. This is just absurd.

What are you grateful for? I am trying to remember to post something that I am grateful for each and every day. Join me on doing this! It helps put me in a good mood and reminds me of how well off I am, no matter what my bank account is telling me :P

Join me on twitter (NurseJoc) for a daily gratitude! I'll help you start off:  "#gratitude Daily Gratitude... I am grateful for ____"

I can't believe it. I only have 6 days left of practicum! I get to go to maternity tomorrow... I have my fingers crossed for seeing a vaginal delivery. A c-section would be awesome to watch, but I'd prefer to see a mom go through a delivery she has planned for. Unless it's a planned C-section... Obviously :D

I was on the pediatric floor on Sunday, but there wasn't a whole lot that happened there. I got to freak out a mom by gearing up for droplet precautions (booties, bonnet, face mask with an eye shield, gown, and gloves). Apparently, the "droplet precaution" sign at her door was there just for safety measures. The little kid actually didn't have anything that warranted droplet precautions to be taken. Sorry, mom! Didn't mean to scare you like that, haha. Luckily, the little kid didn't mind one bit.

I'm on a medical-surgical floor now, which is nice. I had a very pleasant patient today. Aside from a few organizational issues due to being on the floor for the very first time, my day went very well. I got a few new skills in and I'm pretty satisfied with the quality of work I did on and for my patient.

So today is the third day since I've cleaned my face with anything other than soap paired with harsh chemicals. I'm really apprehensive about posting anything terribly positive... Because I don't want to jinx anything. I have 3 current nodule break-outs on my skin, which are from last week. I had two forming on Sunday when I started this and today, one is completely gone, and the other is small and not red. The pores on my nose look amazing.

I found out that oil is great at removing water-proof mascara! Fabulous :D

So far, I'm pretty content with it. I feel as though my skin is less oily during the day. Usually come afternoon, my skin is incredibly greasy and oily looking. Yesterday, it wasn't too bad at all. It was still kind of oily, but not nearly as bad as normal.

I'm trying to take daily pictures so that I can put together a neat little collage when my 3 weeks is up. I missed last night's photo because I crashed pretty hard after my daughter was in bed. I had only received 2 hours of sleep the night before and was back on my feet for most of the day in light of practicum.

I'm pretty happy with the OCM so far... I just hope that my skin continues to adjust to it like it has been.